My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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