may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
