last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
