oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
