just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
