just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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