just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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