Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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