i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
