Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.