That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.