Is it because I queefed?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
