he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me