i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE