I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
