my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
