Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
