Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
