My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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