I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
