I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
