I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
