Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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