Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
