Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree