I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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