I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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