My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
