I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
