so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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