I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
