My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
