What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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