You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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