he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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