That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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