We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
