is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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