i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
