why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
