I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
