As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
