Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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