I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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