I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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