you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
