she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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