She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
