even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I did not marry a roomba.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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