OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
