Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
