theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
