She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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