drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
