do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
