woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize