i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
