Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
