He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
