My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
