What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
