just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
