when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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