I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
