R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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