Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
