I hate your face
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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