Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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