so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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