well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
they need to just BURY HIM!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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