yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
