Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
