Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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