if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
