If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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