Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
