if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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