YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
