Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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