did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
