you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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