So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
