Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
