Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
