when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
