Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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