Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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