That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
