If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
we're so committed to being not committed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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