Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was born a porn star she said
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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