it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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