No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
