Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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