brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
